Vince Vaughn on Saturday Night Live: December 1998

I was not able to get any pictures of Vince Vaughn on the show since NBC does not allow pictures during the Saturday Night Live taping [or anywhere upstairs in the NBC building].

To explain when I say "taping", I went to the Saturday Night Live dress rehearsal. They tape the show straight through and in case there is a problem, they could show the taped performance when the live show would air. The taping begins at 8pm Saturday night and goes till about 10pm. We get to see a couple extra skits but other than that there is essentially no difference between the live show and the dress rehearsal except that the live show is, well, live.

Unlike other the shows I've seen taped [Frasier, Drew Carey], the actors do not come out and talk to the audience or joke around. SNL was done very quickly and efficiently. After every skit, the actors and host, Vince, were whisked away to quickly change because they only have a couple minutes between skits. And, since Vince was in almost every skit, he was constantly being led around like a madman.

The Stage

Please note that this is not to scale and I am not an artist [also, this is an aerial shot in case anyone is confused]. I might have left off a skit accidently and you may not recognize all of them since a few did not air. Most of the props/costumes are pretty cheap looking in person but on TV it all looks pretty good.

I really couldn't have been any closer to Vince Vaughn unless I was sitting on stage with him & then I would have been thrown out - HA HA. Even though my friend got us front row tickets, we did not have a great view of all skits because of cameras & people, so we had to rely on the television monitors.

Exxon/Mobil Merger: Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn
" Hey Dipstick! No ones talkin' to your sorry ass!"


Groom-to-Be: Vince Vaughn, Jimmy Fallon

"Marriage is just this incredibly wonderful state of mind. Maybe it's the idea that you're gonna be with the same woman until the day ya die."


Pimp Chat: Vince Vaughn as Mr. White Chocolate

"I'm da engine 'n' all dem hos are da cabooses. I'm always in motion baby, just like the ocean. All dem hos wanna come and get some o' dis White Chocolate pimpin' love potion brotha."

Psycho Mom: Vince Vaughn
"Talking to you is not on my list of things to do today, Mother."
"I can't take this hell on earth for one more day. She is a vile happy happy bitch! "


This second half of the Mr. Peepers's skit took place in the lower left hand part of the stage.

Skit List

Opening: The House Judiciary Committee & Oral Sexperts

Monologue: Vince Vaughn with visit from Alfred Hitchcock

• Dog Show!
• Swingers with Mr. Peepers
• Bar skit about Marriage
• John Lennon and Jerry Garcia Memorials
• Exxon/ Mobil skit
• Weekly Update with Colin Quinn
• Lauryn Hill performs "Doo Wop (That Thing)"
• 30 min. before Norman kills his Mother
• Pimp Chat
• Lauryn Hill performs "Ex-Factor".
• Delco Cat Toys

Monologue between Vince Vaughn & Alfred Hitchcock (played by Darrell Hammond)

• Hitchcock: "A powerful force pulled me from the netherworld, where I was enjoying a glass of tonic port, and having a poke at Ingrid Bergman. "

• VV: Can I call ya Hitch? Hitchcock: No, you may not call me Hitch young man. I'm here for one reason and one reason only. I think Lauryn Hill is wicked awesome.

• VV: Do you have movies up there in Heaven? Hitchcock: Actually as it turns out, I'm in hell. All we get is VH1 and Showtime.

Dog Show!

"I'm sitting next to my special dog friend, Mr. Bo Jangles, who is actually a girl. But I gave her a boy's name, cuz I'm playing a trick on her."

"Mr. David Larry is my best friend, my husband, and my housekeeper."
"And I'm a homosexual, so we do have chemistry."

"I'm a homosexual, and I don't like most people."
"And I don't like most people, and I don't like talking to people. But I a-like a-dawwwwwgs!"

Nacho Song [sung by Vince Vaughn]:

"Nacho, your head is full of dreams.
Nacho, I like it when you smile and show your pointy teeth.
Nacho, Nacho, I like to hold your little body,
And feel your heart go beat, beat, beat.
Hey Nacho, go to sleep!"

Bar Skit about Marriage

"What else happens?"
"You lose weight."
"You guys look fatter to me."
"Hey that's muscle, jerk."

"What about sex?"
"Oh my God, it's constant."
"And totally spontaneous. Totally. No more date nights. Just pure adventurous experimentation until ya fall asleep in a spoon position."

"You still look at other women though, don't you?"
Why? You've everything ya need wakin' up next to ya day in and day out. My wife's panties just keep gettin' bigger and better."

"You will not believe how close you grow to your wife's family."
"Yeah. It's almost scary how much you look forward to the time you spend with 'em. I mean I can't wait for the holidays. Hey, I love my wife's mother!"

"Should we tell him the truth?"
"Nobody told me, screw 'em."

Pimp Chat

"Ya know, after junior high school I decided to get a PhD."
"What? You got a PhD?"
"Yeah man, a Pimpin' Hos Degree."

"A man who's turned pimpin' into politics. President Bill Clinton"
"And the Prez deserves lots of credit for makin' Ken Starr his bitch."

"I didn't come here so some huggin' bill wannabe try to show me no props. Pimps in da front, hos in da back, and chumps in da trunk, brotha!"

"Sometimes I hooked up wit dat cordless phone, I keep my faxes on, I got my voicemails on, or you can reach me at my new internet address. It's www.bitch-better-have-my-money.com."

"I think you got it back-asswards"

"Whatcha talkin' 'bout, punk? You the Baltic Avenue of this board, you talkin' to Park Place, brother!"

"Well, when the brother saw that I was down for real, they sorta took me under their wing. You know what I'm talkin' 'bout. So then I got, you know, my skizms under my belt, how to dress, how to fun-ess, then all dem b****es wanna come jump on my imp train! Cuz I'm the enginer and all dem ho's bis the cabooses! I'm always in motion, baby, just like the ocean! All dem ho's wanna come and get some of this White Chocolate pimpin' love potion, brother!"

Delco Cat Toys

" Hey Randal. You workin' with the big boys now! This isn't NASA anymore. Randal, you office banter is WEAK."

" That's what your wife said."

"Oh yeah, that's all, that's all it takes to screw up my entire year! I got Don Fergeson and his gay boyfriend down at the Paw Palace screamin' at me! Now you deal with that Randall!"

"Are you with me? I don't know if you're with me little kitty. C'mon, what is that? Is that a bird, is that an insect? C'mon, c'mon, where's my little kitty? Whheeerre's my little kitty? C'mon, you wanna play? Kitty don't wanna...awww, now kitty wants to play! Now kitty wants to play, c'mon! Where's my little lion? Where's my little lio..oh, kitty don't know? Kitty don't know? There he is, get him! Get him! Oogie boogie boogie boogie bo!"

Exxon/Mobil Skit

" Look at that Wal-Mart reject over there tryin' to explain big business to us!"

"Yeah, especially a guy who hasn't even handeled somethin' bigger that a 20!"

" Good Gravy you dumb son of a bitch!!"

" Maybe they'll call it Exmo."
" Na, that sounds like a gay joint."
" Hey, maybe they'll call it Moxon."
" Yeah, or Moron."

Psycho Skit

"Stop doing a jig around me you rancid skag!"

"I invited one of the pretty young gals over from my square dancing class. So, come here you, you better learn how to do-si-do master Bates."

"I told you not ever to bring any girls into my bedroom! -- OK, now I do not like that. That is a little too rough, Donald Duck."

"I think I know what you need. Some tummy farts. Come here!"
"Mother stop it! Please mother, I detest you! I detest you mother!"
"OK, I'm gonna get outta your hair, and let you get back to doing your man things. OK?"

"Uh oh. Guess who's the queen of bad timing. Duh-duh-duh-daaah!"

"Please not now!"
"But honey, sweetheart. You'll be happy to know that I got that stain out of your undershorts."

Reviews: SNL Reviews of Vince's Dec 5, 1998 appearance

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